A Word to Church Abuse Survivors, LGBT+ People and Their Allies

Written By Clare McIvor

If you live in Australia, especially Victoria, and especially my old hometown of Sale today, its likely that you’ve read a story that the Herald Sun ran about my beautiful best friend (Hannah Lonnee) surviving gay conversion practices, and the church she left (which is run by my Dad) making efforts to gain influence in the National Party and push a homophobic agenda. Of course, the church has denied all allegations. They claim they are not preoccupied with anyone’s sexuality. They claim they do not run gay conversion therapy.

And they don’t “run” gay conversion “therapy”. Nor would I know if they did as I haven’t set foot inside those doors in five years. BUT….

Gay conversion therapy is only one part of conversion practices. These practices, which are insidious, extremely damaging and ineffective, are comprised of far more than just formal courses. This has been clearly laid out in recent legislation passed in the state of Victoria banning the practices. The legislation is clear that conversion practices also include one-on-one “pastoral care” counselling sessions, prayers to cast out the spirit of homosexuality, and mentoring and anti-gay counselling as well as referral to formal courses. It is a subversive practice. It can be quite clandestine, and I have borne witness firsthand to the devastation it leaves in its wake. (The legislation does not outlaw prayer. It outlaws prayer specifically aimed at making someone straight or cisgender if they are queer or questioning - just before you get your knickers in a twist. You can pray. You just can’t weaponise prayer against a vulnerable person).

Here’s the thing though: One does not sign up to gay conversion therapy unless one was been ‘gifted’ somehow with crippling internalised homophobia. And that is why I maintain almost complete disbelief when any church is accused of engaging in such practices and denies all wrongdoing. We know the Bible says “Thou Shalt Not Lie/ Deceive / Bear False Witness,” but history has shown us time and time again that church institutions can be quite capable of suppressing truth in the interest self-preservation,

I will also say this: if you are a victim of any sort of of religious abuse, abuse in a religious or church community, or indeed toxic or dogmatic groups such as problematic churches or cults, it can be triggering as heck to see denials from a church like City Builders Church.

So I want to say this: I back Hannah’s story 100% (If you missed it, here is the link and here are some pictures - 1, 2, and 3). I back Patrick’s story 100% (which you can read here). It also includes some pictures from a gay conversion therapy manual which…oh shock…does actually exist.


I wish to juxtapose the church’s statement that they are “Not preoccupied with anyones sexual identity” and that they are “focused on the spiritual growth of the individual” against a few things.

Firstly, local memory doesn’t have to go back too far to remember Heidi McIvor (current assistant pastor at City Builders) was in the Australian Christian Lobby’s ads opposing Marriage Equality. At a time of peak bullying flying about in all directions, this church had one of its leaders on the frontlines speaking out against gay rights. So I would argue that this wasn’t too focused on the spiritual growth of any individual as stated in the rebuttal the church offered the Herald Sun, but plain and simple efforts at opposing LGBT rights.

Secondly, the piece today was (in my humble opinion) a politically motivated piece dealing with a problem the National party has - far right branch stacking and a proposal to be put to the State Conference tomorrow, that the National Party flip its stance on gay conversion therapy after supporting its ban just months ago (This was covered on ABC drive time radio and National Party Victorian Party Leader, Peter Walsh spoke about - artfully I must say). Again. This isn’t about the spiritual growth of the individual. This is about opposition to the health, wellbeing, and sexual identity of LGBT+ people and attempting to wrestle back the right to engage in practices they claim not to engage in.

Totally believable, right?

I hope we all see through these denials. Indeed, I’d argue that globally, churches are losing their credibility en masse when it comes to denying wrongdoing (Ravi Zacharias, that Liberty University cuckold guy, and a bunch of Hillsongers spring to mind).

Anyway! This is a hard day for me. I am aware that it might be a hard day for others who have left this group and groups like it. It’s a day when I am revisited by all the grief, loss, trauma, isolation, and all the things I experienced in the wake of leaving the church. Its a day when I see such denials and remember how my own abuse was mishandled and denied. The love I feel for my family is complicated but present. But the damage I have suffered, and Hannah and others have suffered is never far from my mind.

I am proud of Hannah for telling her story, which I affirm one hundred percent. (And just for the record, I would certainly feel like I had to ‘report positive outcomes’ if I felt my place in a community was at risk if anyone knew my truth. Wouldn’t you? Thus, it is not a denial but an indicator of the pressure Hannah must have felt to conform)

Someone once said “The most powerful thing you have is your story.”

And kudos to Hannah for telling hers.

Anyway. The point of this post (which I acknowledge is a little more emotional than my normal patter). This is a hard day. I know it will be a hard day for others too. So I wanted to post some resources for other trauma survivors and or people who need more information. Here comes the barrage of links. Buckle up buttercup. Access what you need to.

The Help Lines:

If you have found any news content distressing, please do not hesitate to call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Q-life on 1800 184 527 or hit up their website. Qlife is an organisation that is specifically for LGBTQIA+ people and their peers. I have heard rave reviews about their staff.

Please. Call if you need to speak to someone. Call if you are feeling distressed. You don’t have to be suicidal in order to get help. Distress, grief, confusion, anger - all of these things can be hard to work through because they are traumatic. Please call earlier rather than later.

Last mention in terms of help is your doctor. If you have ongoing feelings of depression, anxiety, mood changes, or difficulty dealing with trauma - call your local doctor and get yourself on a mental health care plan that will help you access good help in terms of counselling and medication if needed. This stuff is hard. Self care matters.

Helpful Information

This will be a shameless plug for the blog section on this website. I have noticed in the commentary, and indeed the article itself, the world cult is used to describe the group in question. I’ll keep my opinions of that to myself, as thinly veiled as they may be. But here are some articles that define what a cult, and some articles that talk about dominions (the doctrine behind the quote in the article about infiltrating society).

Affirming Christianity

Cults and Toxic Groups

Dominionism

Podcasts That I Love

If you need some podcasts to listen to in order to help you get through recovery, I highly recommend these puppies:

Jump across and follow me on Instagram (@unchurchablepod is the handle) for some great accounts to follow.

But all in all - Look after yourself. Be informed. Know that knowledge is power and that even on days when you get retraumatised or triggered, or when things pop up that hurt like hell, you are still making progress.

Lots of Love

Kit K.

Clare McIvor
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